today's digest

Todays blog has become a daily digest! written at three different times, with three different moods. :D Here goes::

1)Stumbled upon this really funny list...
it chronicles the story of my submissions :D
http://asil.logicalinsanity.ca/300college%20paper.html
and guess what, i stumbled across it EXACTLY when i was (am) supposed to be doing my paper :D :D

2) Heck why is (1) doing email-fwd-giri in teh name of blogging!
Illusions of MPD aside, the core issue troubling moi 'troubled soul' is that of mean-ness. Well its not really troubling me that much, as is evident from the cavalier tone of this entry <:D> Bottomline is that i just wanted to ruminate over it a bit...
edit: the rumination never happened. will prolly cover it in a later entry

3) Islam, Right-winger
ahh well this is a pet favorite. it can wait

4) 1 position vacant for An Interpreter of Dreams
Flying rat, AKR, lots of others

Episode IV - Promises kept

i got bald again, yesterday :D
Will put a pic up sometime
and no scope for blogging on anything right now...am too damn sleepy! Am usually awake as an ullu this time of the night, and now when i got this BTP to turn in for the final time, i am sleepy as hell. Grrrrrr.
Ian Malcom's 6th iteration - MNK giving me trouble! lets hope i can convince him :-s
By the by i had finished Jurassic Park the other week. I just looved Timeline, so i thot i will give JP a shot, but it was a major disappointment. I eventually got around to flicking through the paragraphs. Maybe my expectations from a book have changed. No need to think I was getting all uppity - it may just be that there was a mismatch - maybe i was looking for deep stuff and all i got was the simple thriller. Ian Malcolm's ranting got quite unbearable... by the ending, I just ditched all his monologues clean!
Enough of reviewing - i am off to sleep now...yaawwwwwwwwwwwwwwn

Sloshmania- 2

What is it with people and sentiments? Or should it be, what is it with me and my zero senti? This really cool party suddenly turned into the baap of all sentis, with people crying left right and center, and i obviously couldnt feel anything.

Ostensibly, they feel miserable about leaving IIT behind, and all the millions of memories and friends. (Do i sound cynical? That would be because indeed i never could connect with anything/anyone out here). So, supposedly, it is all about the happy times spent out here. Okay. But is it just the friends, or is it the insecurity out there in the great big world, that makes people want to cling back? Isnt the campus life carefree as compared to the dog-eat-dog world out there.

The hell with all that, what amazes me is how people open up completely. That image repeatedly flashes in my mind - Mohit totally crumbling and pouring out his woes, while i looked on shocked and dazed. I naturally turn inward when I get sad; I guess some people turn outward, especially when drunk. I just cant get a hang of this concept...i just dont feel comfy 'pouring my heart out'. Sure, I love a helpful shoulder for support (its a big relief), but talking your heart out?? How can anyone be comfortable doing that??!!


And then there were some others repenting. I cant imagine what it is they were repenting about. Perhaps it is their conscience, their feelings of guilt getting back at them. Messy!
And then Varun the GOD had to add to the freakiness, dint he? Cut his hand royally, and then he wudnt do anything to stop the blood while it flowed down in a long stream. Messy. Out of my system hopefully.

Well I am a long way off from repenting for anything I may have done to others! The hell, i did no one any harm :D
And thus ends Sloshmania 2 (The Tragic Lives of Men) :D

Sloshmania- 1

Boy did we have a rocking party the other day! NBDu finally managed to fit in a daaru party, and the only date we could finalise was bang in between the endsems :D
The DDs had the ES exam first thing in the morning, and yet, here we all were, getting mighty sloshed!! We got some 40 beers, 30 cans and a handful of 'khambas', apart from the huuge amounts of chips, cigs, juice, and ICE. 'Breaking the ice' was so much fun. Oh, and we got ICE earlier in the evening too...Kale adn KT managed to convince Pele (mama dear) to buy us a dozen Alphonsoes B-)
To get the mangoes chilled (chilled?!), we stole some ice from the chemical dept freezer. I guess KT will disagree with the term 'some ice'...he was getting jittery as hell, while i packed in more than half a bucketful of ice! :D

Back to the booze...we had to move to the C4 terrace, which proved to be a good decision in the end. I took it slow and heavy, alternately sipping beer and vodka. MAN vodka with litchee juice ROCKS!! Zor ka jhatka der se laga...i had managed to stay sober well after packing in 2 beers and 2-3 pegs, then it all went hazy :D
Chaube dropped in, and we had some fun time, took fundae on Russian Lit, then we all went and had ice-cream (its becoming my daily diet now :))
Then Ravi and Chaube left, and this is where stuff supposedly happened with me :-s All i remember is going back to the terrace to find Pele back from visiting his sis, I talked to him for a few seconds, and the next thing i remember, juntax was logging off the terrace, and so i staggered back to my room somehow. I only managed to reach Pele's place before crashing within 10 cms of his bed! Next morning, nay, afternoon, i finally woke up (groggy), and this huuge hangover had been waiting for me...my head felt like a melon, split wide open :D :D
It took me upto late evening to get back to normal, and DMDs exam was right in the morning! Now, it all seems to long ago, with the last night-out for the last exam behind me. Free finally, u would have thought, but this darned BTP just doesnt leave me alone.
Anyways, back that night (just 36 hours ago!!), i had apparently dunked in one or two more pegs after getting back from the ice-cream, saw all the senti going on around and took to a bit of socialising myself (:D)... Sunny reminded me - how i took him around, introducing him to everyone (!!)
SLOSHED :D
Notably, gullu got quite high...my brain recovered a snapshot of him walking around crazy-eyed in that crazy sashay of his, a cig hanging outta his mouth at a crazy angle ROTFL. That was about it - me having a rollicking time, while people around me were disintegrating in the face of booze and farewell!
More on the senti in Disc 2 (listening to too much of double-CD stuff :D)

Slime

I Just LOVE the sutta song :)
"This one's dedicated to all the smokers and dopers out there"
Suchh melody, suchh ____ (Am deficient in hyperlative-churning-brainpower...gotta eat more Kelloggs yea!). Anyways, Zeest claim the song to have philosophical connotations, donno about that - it works for me fine just the way it sounds :)

Getting to the true flavor of this blog Seriously, is it one Bigtime rocking album! It has lots of songs whose lyrics work for me, apart from the songs themselves...others would include Black, Last Kiss, Zombie, Unforgiven etc.

Again, getting back to the 'flavor'...I had written the poem(?) a few days ago and saved it as a draft, now it sees the light of the day...
I had penned it in a fit of rage and angst...looking at all the news articles pandering after the cause of the "depressed" OBCs. This ones about all the bastards who are making it a vogue: jumping onto the pro-reservation bandwagon and reaping off the politically correct atmosphere that stifles this country!


SLIME
The intellectual whores are out in force
It is their time under the sun
Feeding off the rotten carcass of democracy

These smug filthy leeches
Pounce with glittering eyes, upon anything suitably glorious
And then Gloat over their 'Morality'

Now, they are preening themselves as being the champions of the oppressed
While being mere Puppets of the politicians
Shamelessly fawning over those in power

Trampling over the sentiments of the silent and the suffering
Righteously Indignant at anyone who dares talk sense
And then the age of sycophancy is here!
God save this Country

of headaches and crappy blogs

My head feels like a melon, split wide open.

Again, the line is ripped off :)
Taken from the poem that showed me the meaning of poetry
Its by Naomi Shihab...

For the first time, on the road north of Tampico,
I felt the life sliding out of me,
a drum in the desert, harder and harder to hear.
I was seven, I lay in the car
watching palm trees swirl a sickening pattern past the glass.
My stomach was a melon split wide inside my skin.

"How do you know if you are going to die?"
I begged my mother.
We had been traveling for days.
With strange confidence she answered,
"When you can no longer make a fist."

Years later I smile to think of that journey,
the borders we must cross separately,
stamped with our unanswerable woes.
I who did not die, who am still living,
still lying in the backseat behind all my questions,
clenching and opening one small hand.

This poem really introduced me to the world of poetry...i still aint much into poetry, but i appreciate it for sure :)

Gettign back to my split head...i got yet another sunstroke today! damn.
[insert your rolled eyes and smart aleck comments here :P]
I know hardly any one will believe me, but its true... i am far too sensitive to the sun!! missed lunch, and varun dropped in with such great timing, so he treated me to lunch at laxmi. lots of small talk and nothing more. it was all quite distant, atleast from my end :-|

Anyways, the short round trip to main gate (on a bike!) was enough for me to get cooked in the sun, apparently. Crashed heavily right through the afty, after coming back, and the headache went on till late night. But then Kela dragged me to CCD - had a nice time there :)

Damn i stumbled upon one more jeevan ka sach today - Damn money is so important to sustain the life we come to take for granted...Damn i got so broke that i dont have cash to refill my bike, and Damn i have to think twice before reaching for that pizza number! Damn. Well its all a matter of liquidity, so thats alright :D

Sunny's prof just gave him an XX grade, along with half of the class! The prof's such a bastard...he openly proclaims his relation with students to be open war!! 37 XX grades last year, and 21 this year. Damn.

Island

How can love be unconditional? You fight your battles and your inner demons, while i fight mine. How can you expect me to empathize with your struggles, when there is no common ground? How can i understand what you are going through, how can i feel?
So, how can love be unconditional?
Or perhaps i am just too cold-hearted! The Island theme continues. :(
Also, thoughts about necessity of Equality in relationships, in addition to Similarity.

Roses, Red Roses

We fail to notice so many beautiful things as we get on with our preset lives. If only we can learn to pause, smell the beautiful roses, and go on, happy as a lark now.


This is the view from the window just outside my room!
4 years here almost come to an end, and i feel sad that i havent experienced the magic of the Mumbai monsoons to the fullest. Will make amends this June.

I have always believed in living life to the fullest...never one to back off on a game of cricket, a night of pubbing, or a few hours of music :)
Music is a worthy release of emotions, great way of encoutering the grandness of this world. But. We shudn't let our lives be dictated by something even as grand as music. As Rudyard Kipling said:

"If you can dream - and not make dreams your master,
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim; "

I cant let music or anything else dictate my life...eventually, Work is the means to achieving that elusive peace with oneself. God help me figure out what line of work is for me!! Godrej is one of the best places to begin, i spose, considering their wide range of group companies and the myriad departments.

dear diary :P

Right now, all i want to blog about is Bombay, but one has to bow down...wanted to chronicle the happenings of these last few days - so heres a bit of diary-ing :D

1)BTP presentation done with, and boy am i relieved :)
those last few days were such a strain! i think i may just have lost all hopes of regaining that ole long-locks-hairstyle :D

2)IIM interview results out...damn! i feel nothing...the shock hasnt set in yet...donno if it will indeed happen. Wasnt keen on joining I/K, but an offer would have massaged the ego! Sagar also cudnt convert any but the WL in I :(
most prolly it is Godrej ahoy now
still dint tell mom n dad, let them continue with their nice trip, coz i maybe chilled, but they will feel sad (and worried) over this

3)Watched V for Vendetta. Niice.
Enough diarykeeping already!

bombay blues contd.

notes
tales of a travelling salesman

vegetables at teh mandi
and yet such cheer.
hypocrisy? :(

will elaborate on this posting later...CCD beckons :D

the tale of parel

EDIT:: ed says read next entry(Maximum city) first...it was written first, and it goes down below :D

While roaming the grand city, I was reminded of those grim determined faces i encounter when i catch the first local (4 AM) whenever i come back from home. Waking up each day with the stroke of dawn, coming back late in the night, thus going on with their life, each day, working towards their dreams. The fighters.
They may only be clerks or peddlers, but these men have ambition, and they are getting a raw deal. Being pushed into a corner by this uncaring country.

In Parel station, I saw so many cheerful young men, in those bright retro shirts homage to the Bacchan era. Joking with their friends, walking jauntily along their home town.
Their home, now getting transformed into the 'new' india. What future do they have? Do they have even ONE fair chance to compete???

While still in parel, along the footpath, I came face to face with a very old man, looking totally lost. I could make out that he was one of the dislocated mill workers. Then i saw two more such people, looking totally disoriented. They were just walking the streets meaninglessly, i dont know why!
Does the meaning of progress mean that we leave thousands of people jobless and homeless by uprooting their factories and build swanky malls over their hearts??? I remember 81000 as the figure of people who lost their livelihood when one of the mills shut. The law says that they have to vacate their quarters too, and now multi-crore apartments are sold there. Indeed, from the firm's point of view, the workers have no rights over the land :(
I cant think about this situation anymore...my brain is shutting down!

maximum city

Went to south bombay 2 days ago...was a profound experience
BTW a lot has happened since - BTP presentation, IIM results, V for Vendetta
just not finding the mood to write this, but i will try...

I had come to hate this city, these last 2 or 3 years... that trip down south made me realise how foolish/juvenile i had been. I just cudnt have fun* (*fun definition changed now!) in this city - so few places to hang out, going anywhere is hell, thanx to the huuuge distances and traffic etc. I preferred Hyd's sense of homeliness, such a nice little city where everything is nearby.

Then it hit me - the aura of this city, its genius and its tragedy. Its people.

Walking along the heritage buildings strewn all over south bbay, i noticed all the people. The cheerful nimbu-paani wallah who made a living out of selling lemonade for 3 rupees a glass. The zealous salesman trying to sell his wares to pedestrians, with his well-rehearsed spiel (I think it was Toys@Rs.10 he was trying to peddle). Earlier i had noticed the man in the local making a living out of selling scales(rulers). What a life. They all must have come to this city with such hopes - The City of Dreams. Indeed, isnt Bombay the destination for any underpriveleged man with dreams of making it big?
Their resilience shows - in the little family cramped in a corner of the local, sharing space with the old Qazi and the harried young professional. I have had glimpses of Bombay's soul before, but never so intensely. The imagery sticks to teh mind -- eating juicy fruit chat with grubby hands under teh golden sodium streetlights; passing the stream of humanity in the CST subway, i could somehow empathise with them. That man trying to sell sparking rackets, the amazed wide-eyed kids... I suddenly felt a gush of fresh emotions in that horribly humid subway! sheesh the emotions and imagery are so strong...a poem would be better!

All these years I just sat on my ass, bitter as hell, when i should have gone out and experienced this city... even recently, i was yakking about travel to make my mind clear, well i need to go to erewhon. This city maybe a mix of cheer and depression, but i want to taste more of it! Walking along Lamington road, with the Ghost Song playing, i was so enthused that i just wanted to roam the whole town aimlessly. Will do that sometime, for sure! And i think i now understand the concept of being able to travel all alone. Ahoy Bombay, the maximum city.


[flicked the pic from somewhere...no pics for me till i get a digicam :(]

There are things known, and there are things unknown, And in between are the Doors

Jim Morrison said:
"I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."

Interesting, this take on our reasoning abilities. Very true, but this prolonged derangement stuff...i will think about this sometime

He also said:
"The most important kind of freedom is to be what you really are. You trade in your reality for a role. You give up your ability to feel, and in exchange, put on a mask."
"The most loving parents and relatives commit murder with smiles on their faces. They force us to destroy the person we really are: a subtle kind of murder."

Gotta watch out! :D

And then, Aldous Huxley said:
"One of the many reasons for the bewildering and tragic character of human existence is the fact that social organization is at once necessary and fatal. Men are forever creating such organizations for their own convenience and forever finding themselves the victims of their home-made monsters."

BTW, James Joyce said:
"Irresponsibility is part of the pleasure of all art; it is the part that schools cannot recognise."

pele

Had a long chat with him today morning.
Cleared up lots of stuff in his head, and mine too!
Boy talking aloud helps so much in clarifying and condensing ideas/beliefs.
We started with our takes on relationships, why some fail and some click...i dragged the discussion onto uncomfy-for-him territory by taking examples of ppl arnd us :D

Well finally we got to life partners, and he told me the whole Kinjal Shah story (aka Techfest). i made him realise that what he was asking for in the same of plain Simplicity was in actuality a moderate dose of independence, self-esteem and wisdom. maybe more! i sense that the chap is thinking abt it now, i hit him deep! bestos pels!
just passing it on >:)

sleep demon: an insomniac's memoir

hardly!
well i spose i could be called an insomniac if u were to consider that my sleep durations have dropped off from 9+ to sub-8 values...:D

ganga managed to slightly freak me out today. with regard to my "fucked up" sleep timings. i have always been more of a night-sy person, and these fours years have seen me regularly stay up till 4 without much ado. but things took a sharp turn over the last month or more...i have just managed to wind my Suprachaismatic Nucleus by a whole 20 hours :D :D

post-midsems, lukkhadom usually kept me upto 3-4 AM, then i somehow managed to reach 5, which in turn induced bigtime maddugiri, and one fine day i dragged it from 7 to 11 in order to attend one mnk lec. the next day, i surprisingly cudnt find sleep till 11...and thus it went on...afty lecs and an akr quiz contributing to my adding 2 hour delays to my waking hours.
so i finally found myself awake as an owl in the nights, and sleeping the evenings out as if i was built that day B-)
hey i forgot to acknowledge this SCN body clock thingie in my noissimbup ptb post :D
well yest i reached 9 PM to 4:30 AM sleep slot...am steadily on my way to the old 1 AM :D

sheepy shleepy slip

noissimbus ptb

the sub-mission went off leGENdarily
the cartoon is a misnomer, actually
{i know...misnomer aint the rite word...but bah! nothings gonna puncture me for a few days now >:)}

there i was, mugging up the sob story that i would pull off..."sir, my life, my career, my sanity, all depend on u passing me...please do blah blah"
and he manages to dumbfound me with one comment...

"good report"

i am standing there, shell shocked, but the show aint ended yet! the accolades kept flowing for a full 2-3 minutes!!

him: nice report. well stitched together. i liked the english - did u write it?
me: yet to recover, so am still speechless
him: you students usually do shoddy work, this is a good one though. it has good continuity!
me: grinning widely now
him: if u can pack it together into 8-10 pages, then we can send it somewhere and see...
me: mumble mumble
him: more more more praise
me: bask in the glory :) :)
him: ok then, make a good presentation!
me: yassir

i turn the corner, and execute one of those filmi 10 foot jump-in-the-air thingies :) :)
u made my day, akr :)
poor guy, i cursed him so :D
there is light in this world after all...

i would like to thank sunny, pele, ganga, gullu, kt, yd, vishal, clp, kale, my agent, my parents, my...hold it! presentation still left :D

but heres the most important of em all

Acknowledgment
I would like to sincerely thank "Multiple Deadlines" in helping me complete this project, without whose invaluable help, this work would have been an exercise in futility.

ummuaah

batak toba

kale: what the hell is batak toba anyway?
google: indonesian, stupid!
me: :D :D

go bloggie go

yitz a zimbal addembt at getting into a baetter moare vunny blaag!

what is this?

what is this blog? i think it is an attempt at diary-keeping: an attempt by me to jot down my thoughts, before they fade away. However, a diary can indeed contain significant incidents in my life too...like how i would never want to forget controlling a drunk clp all night long :D
Well nothing much happening out here ppl! infact there is lots, but the heck i got my btp submission tomorrow...i can give acceptable blogging (:D) yet another shot once i am done with that (of course i would transgress into fuckdom if my btp gets screwed :D)
so heres hoping for a good project finale!

btp blues

maybe i wont be good at being a manager...btp says that i get flustered all too easily when in a hole. maybe thats because acads is out of my comfort zone, but still, i should be able to organise my ideas and plans effectively :(
chalo its an ongoing process, lets see how i turn out eventually :D

PS: one more thing...my goddamn speed falls as my work approaches anywhere near the ending
how will i ever complete anything big on time??!!

on god and happiness

had a loong chat with sony yesterday, mostly abt our ideas on god, also, some part on happiness
my view abt god is that god is a positive force in the universe, not removed from it. i think that god is intrinsic, within the universe, the default goodness in the universe. pure optimism, part experience (i keep forgetting the sangeet incident...i have already forgotten the other one)
i dont think god is the extremely powerful concept that people make him out to be. just a guiding force, easily ignored by most. it raises lots of issues about ethics, personal answerability etc. i have prayed hard thrice now, got a magical response each time...if i dont get upto scratch, when will my luck run out? :D
this is all veering off into Alchemist kinda fundae...positive force, beginners luck, happiness = peace etc
no sign of those omens though :D

really hit it on the head there when i realised that ultimate happiness is eventually about being at peace with oneself. being somewhere where u deserve to be (and this aint any of that career ambition kinda stuff)
again, this is similar to the destiny funda of the alchemist

i wonder if my repeated attempts at fucking my present career and life should be construed as omens :D :D